deathfangirl | [RL with Eridan]

Aradia hadn't been to too many worlds, and she wasn't sure Eridan would like the one she chose, but it was the one she was most familiar with, so it was where she took them.

The worldhopper she contacted picked them both up and deposited them at the foodcourt on the orbital elevator in the world where she had met the Tenth Doctor.

She was already waiting there, sitting at a table, when Eridan was delivered. The place bustled with humans, who gave them odd looks before moving on, but she ignored them. Nearby, the curve of the Earth, far below, was visible, along with a sparkle of stars as seen from orbit.

She rose from her chair, wary but trying not to show it. This was the first time that she and Eridan had ever been alone together, that she could recall. And she was wary of highbloods in general. It wasn't that she thought Eridan might hurt her, but she knew he could be both callous and volatile, and that he was emotional right now.

But the last thing he needed was another person who didn't believe in him, so she stepped towards him and held out a hand. "I hope this place is okay. It's the only one I really know that isn't Azula's hotel room, or a secret base."

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He went stiff when she wrapped an arm around him and cuddled up against his side, completely unused to physical touching of any sort. It had been a while, probably since his lusus had died, and the touch felt foreign. Even the times he'd been around John he'd still been too nervous and ready for rejection to really touch him much. Aradia might've been a robot, but she was touching him, and that was something.

It was strange to think of filling a quadrant with her. He just hoped Sollux wouldn't mind. Or, maybe, mind in the right way.

"I just..." he shook his head, "I'm so fuckin' flushed for her, Ar, and she says these awwful things to me." he sighed, and rubbed at his face, "I should talk to John about this but I dunno if he'd get it."

He paused, glancing down again, and exhaling a little, "So you actually care that much. Okay. Okay then. I wwant you to. If you do."

Aradia felt him go stiff, but didn't withdraw right away, hoping that it would be at least a little comforting. She wasn't sure if he didn't like it, or what, but she figured he could tell her, or pull away, if he didn't want her touching him.

It was just as weird to her to suddenly find herself in a quadrant with Eridan. But at the same time, it felt right. She wasn't sure she felt pity for either of them, but she didn't want them to die, and they needed her.

She sighed. "You are a glutton for punishment, Eridan. With Kanaya's fetish, even if she didn't loathe you with every fibre of her being, there's no way she'd be flushed for you. And she's filled that quadrant with Rose, anyway."

Pursing her lips, she looked up. "And she's got reason to hate you. I understand her perspective, but I also understand yours, which is why I think I can auspiticize between the two of you. So I'll try... and hopefully we can at least keep her from killing this you, even if future you is as good as dead."

He didn't mind the touching, but he didn't know how to respond, so he just dug his spoon into the brown mound again and brought some up to his mouth, his movement jerky and a little awkward. The tears were still sitting in his eyes, feeling wet and warm and stingy and what Aradia said didn't make it any better.

Two of the tears broke away down his cheeks, and then he gave his head a shake, "Yeah, I knoww. I knoww she hates me and about her fetish and Rose and all that. Doesn't change my feelins or..." he shook his head, "I need to stop bein' pathetic. Fuck."

He sighed, looking down at his ice cream. What he needed was John. Aradia was helping a lot, but what he really needed was someone who understood him and would listen, "I'm just sick a bein' treated like a murderer wwhen I'm not."

She sighed softly, watching the purplish tears drip down his cheeks. It was odd... she wasn't sure how to act. She wasn't his moirail and didn't pity him, but at the same time, she had no desire to take advantage of his vulnerability.

"It's okay," she said gently. She was, at least, trying to understand and listen. "It's understandable, how you feel. Anyone would feel the same way, so don't beat yourself up about that."

He snuffed slightly, screwed up his nose and fought the tears out of his eyes. As much as it hurt to have Kanaya tell him how much of an outcast he was for reasons he didn't understand, as much as he hated being blamed for something an alternate version of himself was doing and that he never intended to do, he didn't want to cry in front of anyone but John. Ar was nice enough, it was real big of her to be helping him out like this - maybe a bit beyond what an auspistice was really supposed to do. He liked it, though. It made him feel a bit better that someone at least understood.

He exhaled sharply, and ran ring-adorned knuckles across his eyes to get rid of the tears, "Anyway, I knoww I'm a fuckin' outcast, she doesn't havve to fuckin' tell me."

"You're not an outcast," Aradia said gently. She knew he was just feeling sorry for himself, and it might have annoyed her on another day, but not when he was crying and really had a good reason to feel bad. She pressed her metal forehead to his shoulder and hugged him. "You do have people who care about you, and a kismesis, and even me. Don't discount us because of things one person said."

His eyes stung again when she started talking, and he pushed his knuckles against both eyes, hissing slightly through his teeth because it hurt, but she was right. That had been exactly what he'd been trying to tell Kan when Ar had intervened - he wasn't an outcast because he had a kismesis and a moirail and they cared about him in their own ways, and now he even had an auspistice.

Who was hugging him.

He exhaled another hiss, and let his body relax against hers, and even if it was a cold robot body it was more affection than he'd had in a hell of a long time. It made him tear up so bad he was nearly poking his own eyes out with his rings, but he finally spoke again, quietly and with a really thick rasp to his tone, "Yeah, Ar, I knoww. I'm not gonna, because that'd be upright fuckin' unfair. You lot are the best quadrant fills a troll could havve so you better fuckin' believve I'm grateful."

Aradia smiled at his response. He was still emotional, she knew, and crying. But she felt like she'd gotten through to him, and that meant that hopefully he was going to be okay.

"It'll be okay, Eridan," she said gently. "You're not alone. And that's the big difference between this you, and the you that Kanaya knows. She doesn't know, just how different it is."

He exhaled, trying to reconcile the lot of weird feelings he had jumbled up inside, fighting down the tears. He both felt he deserved better because he was a high-blood, because he was so high up that half the people picking on him shouldn't be able to see his flippers and like he was the worst kind of second-class citizen. Maybe that was why two of his quadrant fills were low-bloods and his other one a human. Maybe it was just that only low-bloods could understand because of some kind of ostracism or something complicated he didn't entirely understand.

It was complicated. It was hard, but at least he was sort of starting to feel like someone understood.

"It makes a big difference. Kan wwas nevver alone and nevver left out, she doesn't get howw much it can...fuck wwith a troll's head."

"That may be true," Aradia agreed. Everyone liked Kanaya, though not always in the way she wanted. Aradia was willing to bet that Kanaya felt lonely sometimes, too, or at least unhappy about things. It sometimes seemed as though she was doomed to be the auspitice to everyone, and never the one with romance of her own.

But it probably wouldn't help to point that out, right now.

"But like I said," she said, more cheerfully. "You're not alone and not left out. You might not have everything you ever wanted, but no one does. Try to appreciate what you have."

[RL with Eridan]

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