deathfangirl | [RL with Eridan]

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[RL with Eridan]

Aradia hadn't been to too many worlds, and she wasn't sure Eridan would like the one she chose, but it was the one she was most familiar with, so it was where she took them.

The worldhopper she contacted picked them both up and deposited them at the foodcourt on the orbital elevator in the world where she had met the Tenth Doctor.

She was already waiting there, sitting at a table, when Eridan was delivered. The place bustled with humans, who gave them odd looks before moving on, but she ignored them. Nearby, the curve of the Earth, far below, was visible, along with a sparkle of stars as seen from orbit.

She rose from her chair, wary but trying not to show it. This was the first time that she and Eridan had ever been alone together, that she could recall. And she was wary of highbloods in general. It wasn't that she thought Eridan might hurt her, but she knew he could be both callous and volatile, and that he was emotional right now.

But the last thing he needed was another person who didn't believe in him, so she stepped towards him and held out a hand. "I hope this place is okay. It's the only one I really know that isn't Azula's hotel room, or a secret base."

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Aradia had quite a bit of experience dealing with Sollux' mood swings, and one of the easiest ways to get her matesprit out of a sneaky hatespiral was to simply distract him. So she had decided to try the same tactic on Eridan.

It seemed to be working.

She had a spoon of her own, and prodded at one of the mounds herself, trying to decide just where she would take a bite. She couldn't process too much food with this robotic body, but she knew she could handle a few bites. She just hadn't realized the thing was going to be so big! When she had come upon the Doctor eating one, it had been almost gone.

"I guess you just dig in," she said with a shrug, then looked up to meet his gaze when he suddenly looked at her with such wide, startled eyes. "What?" she asked, her blue lips pursing in a smile.

Aradia was prodding at the split, and he watched how she went about it before pushing the tip of his own spoon into the brown mound at one end. Scooping up a bit of it, he put it in his mouth, to find it extremely sweet and startlingly cold. He let out a tiny yelp, and put his hand to his mouth.

"Oh, right. Ice." he muttered, looking away from Aradia because his cheeks were flushing a little. That had been awfully stupid, getting surprised by how cold something with "ice" in the name was. He huffed a little, and then glanced back at her.

"Uh, it's nothin'. I mean. It's somethin' but I don't knoww howw to talk about it wwithout comin' across..." he wriggled his hand a little, "Pale or red or somethin'." he paused for a moment, then hastily added, "Not that it's either a those things!"

Aradia only grinned, and dug her own spoon in, taking a tiny bit of the pink mound at her end and putting it on her tongue. "It's not really like anything at home," she said. His reaction, particularly with the blushing and the obvious embarrassment, was sort of endearing.

She cocked her head at his words, her lips twisting wryly. "Okay, then just talk about it however you feel like, and I'll pretend it doesn't sound pale or red or anything like that."

"Okay." he said, his voice a little cautious, "Just so you knoww. I am gettin' upright sick a evveryone thinkin' I'm hittin' on 'em wwhen I'm not intendin' to. That's all."

He paused, putting his spoon back in the brown stuff and eating it without surprise this time, "Wwhat I mean to say is that you're really fuckin' good at this, so I wwas a little surprised. Earlier I wwas..." he waved his hand, frowning, and in spite of himself, tears welled up in his eyes and the rage started to come back at the same time, and he didn't know if they were angry tears or if he was just so hurt he was getting pissed off about it. Kanaya did that to him. She screwed him up so bad.

"It wwas bad."

He paused, "Are you serious about bein' ashen for me and Kan?"

She regarded him solemnly, then set her spoon down and slipped an arm around his waist, leaning on him a little. He could still go on eating, if he wanted, and she hoped that her robot body wasn't too annoying to cuddle. Sollux and Azula didn't mind, but she didn't know Eridan as well.

"I'm glad I could help," she said honestly. "I thought... well, I know if it were me in that situation, it would be pretty awful. It couldn't be any less bad for you."

At his question, she shrugged. "Yes, I see no reason not to be serious. It seems like you both need it, and well... I don't think either of you deserve to die. I'd rather not see either of you kill the other one."

He went stiff when she wrapped an arm around him and cuddled up against his side, completely unused to physical touching of any sort. It had been a while, probably since his lusus had died, and the touch felt foreign. Even the times he'd been around John he'd still been too nervous and ready for rejection to really touch him much. Aradia might've been a robot, but she was touching him, and that was something.

It was strange to think of filling a quadrant with her. He just hoped Sollux wouldn't mind. Or, maybe, mind in the right way.

"I just..." he shook his head, "I'm so fuckin' flushed for her, Ar, and she says these awwful things to me." he sighed, and rubbed at his face, "I should talk to John about this but I dunno if he'd get it."

He paused, glancing down again, and exhaling a little, "So you actually care that much. Okay. Okay then. I wwant you to. If you do."

Aradia felt him go stiff, but didn't withdraw right away, hoping that it would be at least a little comforting. She wasn't sure if he didn't like it, or what, but she figured he could tell her, or pull away, if he didn't want her touching him.

It was just as weird to her to suddenly find herself in a quadrant with Eridan. But at the same time, it felt right. She wasn't sure she felt pity for either of them, but she didn't want them to die, and they needed her.

She sighed. "You are a glutton for punishment, Eridan. With Kanaya's fetish, even if she didn't loathe you with every fibre of her being, there's no way she'd be flushed for you. And she's filled that quadrant with Rose, anyway."

Pursing her lips, she looked up. "And she's got reason to hate you. I understand her perspective, but I also understand yours, which is why I think I can auspiticize between the two of you. So I'll try... and hopefully we can at least keep her from killing this you, even if future you is as good as dead."

He didn't mind the touching, but he didn't know how to respond, so he just dug his spoon into the brown mound again and brought some up to his mouth, his movement jerky and a little awkward. The tears were still sitting in his eyes, feeling wet and warm and stingy and what Aradia said didn't make it any better.

Two of the tears broke away down his cheeks, and then he gave his head a shake, "Yeah, I knoww. I knoww she hates me and about her fetish and Rose and all that. Doesn't change my feelins or..." he shook his head, "I need to stop bein' pathetic. Fuck."

He sighed, looking down at his ice cream. What he needed was John. Aradia was helping a lot, but what he really needed was someone who understood him and would listen, "I'm just sick a bein' treated like a murderer wwhen I'm not."

She sighed softly, watching the purplish tears drip down his cheeks. It was odd... she wasn't sure how to act. She wasn't his moirail and didn't pity him, but at the same time, she had no desire to take advantage of his vulnerability.

"It's okay," she said gently. She was, at least, trying to understand and listen. "It's understandable, how you feel. Anyone would feel the same way, so don't beat yourself up about that."

He snuffed slightly, screwed up his nose and fought the tears out of his eyes. As much as it hurt to have Kanaya tell him how much of an outcast he was for reasons he didn't understand, as much as he hated being blamed for something an alternate version of himself was doing and that he never intended to do, he didn't want to cry in front of anyone but John. Ar was nice enough, it was real big of her to be helping him out like this - maybe a bit beyond what an auspistice was really supposed to do. He liked it, though. It made him feel a bit better that someone at least understood.

He exhaled sharply, and ran ring-adorned knuckles across his eyes to get rid of the tears, "Anyway, I knoww I'm a fuckin' outcast, she doesn't havve to fuckin' tell me."

"You're not an outcast," Aradia said gently. She knew he was just feeling sorry for himself, and it might have annoyed her on another day, but not when he was crying and really had a good reason to feel bad. She pressed her metal forehead to his shoulder and hugged him. "You do have people who care about you, and a kismesis, and even me. Don't discount us because of things one person said."

His eyes stung again when she started talking, and he pushed his knuckles against both eyes, hissing slightly through his teeth because it hurt, but she was right. That had been exactly what he'd been trying to tell Kan when Ar had intervened - he wasn't an outcast because he had a kismesis and a moirail and they cared about him in their own ways, and now he even had an auspistice.

Who was hugging him.

He exhaled another hiss, and let his body relax against hers, and even if it was a cold robot body it was more affection than he'd had in a hell of a long time. It made him tear up so bad he was nearly poking his own eyes out with his rings, but he finally spoke again, quietly and with a really thick rasp to his tone, "Yeah, Ar, I knoww. I'm not gonna, because that'd be upright fuckin' unfair. You lot are the best quadrant fills a troll could havve so you better fuckin' believve I'm grateful."

Aradia smiled at his response. He was still emotional, she knew, and crying. But she felt like she'd gotten through to him, and that meant that hopefully he was going to be okay.

"It'll be okay, Eridan," she said gently. "You're not alone. And that's the big difference between this you, and the you that Kanaya knows. She doesn't know, just how different it is."

He exhaled, trying to reconcile the lot of weird feelings he had jumbled up inside, fighting down the tears. He both felt he deserved better because he was a high-blood, because he was so high up that half the people picking on him shouldn't be able to see his flippers and like he was the worst kind of second-class citizen. Maybe that was why two of his quadrant fills were low-bloods and his other one a human. Maybe it was just that only low-bloods could understand because of some kind of ostracism or something complicated he didn't entirely understand.

It was complicated. It was hard, but at least he was sort of starting to feel like someone understood.

"It makes a big difference. Kan wwas nevver alone and nevver left out, she doesn't get howw much it can...fuck wwith a troll's head."

"That may be true," Aradia agreed. Everyone liked Kanaya, though not always in the way she wanted. Aradia was willing to bet that Kanaya felt lonely sometimes, too, or at least unhappy about things. It sometimes seemed as though she was doomed to be the auspitice to everyone, and never the one with romance of her own.

But it probably wouldn't help to point that out, right now.

"But like I said," she said, more cheerfully. "You're not alone and not left out. You might not have everything you ever wanted, but no one does. Try to appreciate what you have."

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[RL with Eridan]

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